Rev.Speats'Blog Cabin

2007-02-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

Takin’ Care of Business in The King’s Court

Hot damn tamale!! I’ve wanted to post this for three weeks so with a fistful of better-late-than-never I give you:

Graceland...Memphis, Tennessee – Saturday, January 13, 2007

Some of the earliest musical memories I have were listening to my mom’s well-worn 45s of “Heartbreak Hotel”, “Hound Dog” (bw “Don’t Be Cruel”), “Love Me Tender”, & “I Want You, I Need You, I Love You”. Elvis Presley’s music is as much a staple of my general well being as a corned beef sandwich from Langers (L.A. finest Jewish delicatessen), so it was with a great deal of reverence and emotion that I made my pilgrimage to Graceland three weeks ago.

Traveling alone I was able to take my time and soak up the reality (or surreality) of my surroundings. The Grounds. The Jungle Room. The Kitchen….After years of collecting and obsessing all things Presley (an old Elvis Zippo lighter comes to mind), I was finally there. In Memphis. At Graceland.

Without thinking twice, I opted for the V.I.P. tour that allowed me the maximum experience…who knows when I may get back there, you know?

Coming up the driveway and going thru those wrought iron gates I only knew from multiple viewings of “This Is Elvis” (still the best documentary film on the man to date) and beginning my tour I knew that I had reached Mecca.

What I took away immediately was how my experience humanized Elvis. After all, this was the man’s home…this is where he lived! So much of Elvis is now reduced to a general caricature that we tend to forget he was a human being like the rest of us, flawed and brilliant all at once.

First off, the living room, dining room, and kitchen…kept exactly as Elvis last saw it. If you ever wanted to bear witness to a living 1970’s time capsule (at its most excessive), Graceland is THE destination. As a connoisseur of ‘70s kitsch I damn near had to call the local hospital to remove the smile from my face. The long white couch…the blue shag carpeting…the three RCA color console television sets placed side by side…exactly as I had imagined it so many times before.

Then it was on to the kitchen…preserved perfectly in those predominant ‘70s hues of orange and brown…I was half-way expecting David Cassidy and The Partridge Family to come trouncing through at any moment. From the kitchen it was on to the Billiard Room, which was adorned in the most extreme pleated cotton I’d ever laid eyes on. The pool table itself proudly boasted a tear in the felt (left as is for the sake of authenticity).

Next stop (through a stair case of green-colored shag carpeting), The Jungle Room. Yes indeed it is the King’s own Enchanted Tiki Room (reflective of the Polynesian craze of the ‘60s and ‘70s) but it’s also where Presley recorded such late-period classics as “Moody Blue”, “Way Down”, & For the Heart”. I think I spotted that crazy totem poll Vincent Price had heart-to-hearts with when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii in there. Brilliant.

From there it was on to the King’s personal effects…his fake fur bed…the tux he wore on his wedding day…his then state-of-the-art mobile phone (housed in a TBC brief case of course)…badges…firearms…OH MY!! On to the Hall of Gold Records. This is where I turned my internal Geek-O-Meter up to 11. I studied each and every gold record meticulously (who knew the Clambake soundtrack did so well abroad?)…fascinating.

After 45 minutes of pouring over the King’s gold it was on more display cases. Even more gold records. The ’68 Comeback Special black leather jump suit. The Aloha from Hawaii sequined jump suit. Cancelled royalty checks…then on to Vernon Presley’s office, and lastly the racquet ball court (which was the last edition to Graceland Elvis added before his passing). Though as intriguing as the period-era quadraphonic stereo gear was in the racquet ball court/wet bar was, the real curio was the upright piano to the left of the stereo…apparently this is where Elvis sang last…(the song was the country classic “Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain”).

Exiting the racquet ball court I made my way to the Meditation Garden and the King’s grave. Elvis, his parents, and grandmother are buried there. Beautifully adorned with flowers, stuffed teddy bears, and various other fan-made memorials, this is the most peaceful and poignant part of the tour. I stood there for a while in silent respect and made my way back down the hill to Graceland plaza across the street.

The Lisa Marie is Elvis’s private jet and an essential part of the Graceland experience. Prior to becoming the King’s flying palace it was a Delta Airlines 96-passenger plane…nearly a million dollars of renovations made it Elvis’s own. From the gold-plated seat-belt buckles to the Pioneer 8-track multi-speaker sound system to the glass TBC-monogrammed conference table and full size bedroom to the wet bar still stocked with 30+year-old unopened Gatorade and Mountain Valley Spring Water…this makes your average commercial plane look a cross-country Greyhound bus just after a summertime jaunt to Fresno. Incredible.

The Automobile Museum boasts several of the King’s vintage rides…the 1956 pink Cadillac he gave his mother right after his career first took off. His ’62 Lincoln Continental. The 1973 Stutz Blackhawk... (Pure pimpin’ goodness). The ’75 Ferrari Dino. This is a man who lived the golden age of the American automobile and has the vehicles to prove it. The original Monster Garage.

The final exhibit of the day was Elvis After Dark… a slight but intriguing glimpse into the King’s after hours. The highlight being of course, an actual television shot out by Elvis himself and the gun that took care of that particular business. I contemplated how many plasma screens would've met an early death had Elvis lived...in the age of satellite TV, I imagine plenty. I also imagine the King would've been a devotee of Cops but I digress.

From there it was gift shopping gone wild…I got my little boy two Elvis onesies, a cookbook for Mrs.Speats, a DVD of Aloha from Hawaii and a hunka hunka burnin’ memories of one of the most fascinating destinations in these here United States. For at least an afternoon there and then in Memphis, it was as if (at least for me) Elvis never left the building.

2007-01-12T21:47:00.000-08:00

"Long distance information / Get me Memphis, Tennesee"-Chuck Berry

Greetings from Memphis...here on business...always a bit weird to preface anything w/"I'm here on business"...sounds a bit pretentious don't it? But it's the gospel truth...anyway I'm rambling. Been here since Wednesday...leaving tomorrow night. On a bit of a spare rib-induced coma so forgive any incoherencies.

This town breathes history like L.A. breeds traffic jams...from Stax Records (aka Soulsville USA) to Beale Street to Graceland, its mecca for music junkies like me.In between meetings I was able to squeeze in a bit of touristy history...explored Beale street last night...caught an Elvis show at a bar (tend to forget that this probably the only place in America besides Vegas or perhaps Reno or Branson) where you can catch such a thing. Chugged down a beer during a very respectable "Suspicious Minds" and then wandered further down the road.

It's a bit strange as I'm here with business colleagues who I don't know all that well so I was left to my own devices during the off hours. Anyway...not wanting to eat anywhere I readily could back home I made my way to Isaac Hayes's restaraunt...yep Black Moses has own place here....how could I resist?? Having met the man before I felt I owed it to him and myself to dine there...I was not disappointed. Ike's gold records adorn the dimly lit supper club and the service is almost as good as "Truck Turner" *** Local blues sensation Ms.Ruby Wilson took the stage(self-proclaimed Queen of Beale Street) and sang a rendition of"Wang Dang Doodle" that was as smoky as the bar be que'd chicken on my plate...my dining experience at Isaac Hayes was complete. I displayed little resistance in the adjoining gift shop and walked off with a copy of his cookbook. How could I not?

After today's meetings dinner came calling in the form of the overly-hyped Rendezvous bbq house (where the ribs are broiled with a dry rub - sauce is a purely an option)...how did it measure up? Pretty damn good..I had a good long meaningful date with a line of dental floss afterwards let's put it that way...But nothing compared to the company...half-way thru the dinner we were joined by a musician named James Alexander...better known as one of the original members of Stax funk pioneers The Bar-Kays (anyone over 25 and has seen "Spies Like Us" will know them by their instantly recognizable signature hit "Soul Finger")...talk turned to Stax records and how The Bar Kays played their part in the label's history and ultimately how "Soul Finger" came to be. I was speechless. I had a mouth full of spare ribs in my mouth and nothing to say. SOUL FINGER FOR GOD'S SAKE! Moments like that I'll savor long after this trip is in the history books.

Tomorrow brings my first ever pilgrimage to Graceland...where I will bask in the King's glory and bow down in the place where Spinal Tap once harmonized "Heartbreak Hotel"...I have nothing but a hunka hunka burnin' love for this town.

***("Truck Turner" is one of the baddest-ass films the 1970s ever produced starring Isaac Hayes...seek it out, sucker!)

2007-01-08T15:14:00.000-08:00

My pledge to The Blog Cabin:

New Years Resolutely I pledge to update this thang more often than I did in '06...a lofty goal higher than the national debt but by golly I'll damn near try. I just have to convince myself that not every entry has to be a Lester Bangsish masterwork...writing daily will suffice and if inspiration strikes to scribe something a bit more fanciful, so be it.

So far my impressions of '07 are as such: I'm more aware of birthday #35 than ever before (probably because its less than a month away), I still think 40 year-old Rolling Stones records still beat the crap out of what passes for British Rock these days...."Rocky Balboa" is no mere guilty pleasure...(I'm rambling here)...and that impending fatherhood is about to rock my world. Yep. I'm gonna be a dad! I was loath to talk about my personal life here but as the little guy is gonna reshape and repurpose my life in many ways I thought it time to make the big reveal.Anyway thanks for the patience in between posts and I vow to drop by more often.

Cheers and A Happy '07 To All,
The Reverend.

2007-01-08T14:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, King!

2006-11-15T18:34:00.000-08:00

Back with a KISS!

Nearly thirty years ago and barely out of pre-school I was all about KISS, I had the lunchbox, the dolls, and of course the music. Long after the collectibles went the way of my hairline, the music remained. It’s never been easy to be a KISS fan – we’re the Rodney Dangerfields, we (like the band) get no respect….but KISS never were about respect or approval from the Lester Bangs and David Frickes of the world. Contrary to long-held Rock Snobbery Beliefs, their songbook runs circles around period contemporaries The New York Dolls. They were our Superheroes. They played guitars, breathed fire, and were (are) larger than life. They looked cool. They wore their British Invasion influences proudly…Gene. Paul. Ace. Peter. For millions of us they were our John, Paul, George, and Ringo. The fans always came first (and still do). Yes they are overly-marketed and Gene Simmons will put KISS’s name on anything that doesn’t move these days, but as I said before, the music remains. Their live show (often imitated but never topped) remains the standard-bearer for Heavy Metal spectacle.

Nearly thirty years later after I first lept off my bed and air-guitared my way thru “Detroit Rock City”, I stood proudly last night amongst my fellow KISS army members and watched Paul Stanley rock the House of Blues in Hollywood and couldn’t stop thinking how fucking cool it is to be a fan of this band and marveled at the journey thus far. I guess in this particular army, you could call me a lifer. And you gotta respect that.

2006-09-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Being in the business I'm in you tend to run into people like this man here at random Jazz festivals and on a lucky day you just might recieve a package of self-produced CDs from said celebrity seeking a deal...this happened to me yesterday.

2006-07-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

"Everybody's in showbiz / Everybody's a star..."

Reflections on being in the court of one Raymond Douglas Davies at The Wiltern Theater Los Angeles, July 16, 2006

A sparsely decorated stage, wide-open expectations, and a sense of "oh-my-god-I-am-the-luckiest-music-geek-in-L.A." permeated the air at The Wiltern Theater last night. It had been half a decade since Ray Davies had visited Los Angeles and in the interim Life Happened for the reigning poet laureate of The British Invasion. The Kinks went on hiatus, Dave Davies suffered a stroke, Ray sustained a gunshot wound defending the honor of his lady from a New Orleans purse-snatcher (this incident is also notable for being the Last Recorded Act of Chivalry Ever in the United States) and released his first solo album earlier this year, the potent and pointed "Other People's Lives".

The Kinks are that last great unchartered terrain of British rock history. So much has been said about The Beatles, The Stones, and The Who that most of the mystery surrounding them eroded long ago.

The Kinks are and have been always a different animal, uncompromisingly English in all phases of the career (Way back whenThe Beatles urged true believers to "Turn on, relax, and float down stream", Davies and co. praised the simplicity of Waterloo Sunsets, and long after The Fab Four disbanded and the Stones became irrelavant, The Kinks' vision never compromised or capitulated). Radio knows them for "Lola" and "You Really Got Me" but legions of balding geeks like myself know them for "Death of a Clown", "David Watts", and "Sweet Lady Genevieve". They are like the last indie store in a sea of chains.

The Kinks for me forever lived in that nether world of rock snobbery, MOJO Magazine testimonials, and that crappy sounding Columbia House cassette copy of The Kink Kronikles I've had since the eighth grade (which I've since traded up for an equally crap-sounding CD...can't anyone remaster this for the love of Jeebus?). I knew them first for the obvious hits (I was in 6th grade when "Come Dancing" went Top 40) but the romance didn't really blossom until the aforementioned Kronikles album was fully digested and I went exploring in the far flung hills of The Back Catalog. Albums like "Something Else", "Face To Face", "Village Green Preservation Society", "Arthur", "Lola Vs. The Powerman", and "Muswell Hillbillies" became staples of my musical diet. After all, you are what you hear. At least in my world.

That's the backstory...On with the (or should I say last night's) show!

Ray and his band of surrogate Kinks hit the stage with a force of enthusiasm that knocked the jadedness clean out of the L.A. crowd and sent it hurling towards Canada (no small feat in this town where everything save for a car crash is greeted with the energy of a 6am yawn) and immediated transformed all of us into His Royal Subjects.

Davies artfully balanced his new material with a pallet of classics and curios such as "Hairy Rag" (from the Something Else Lp), "Tired of Waiting for You", "20th Century Man", "Celluloid Heroes","Set Me Free" and "Low Budget".

His energy and vocal ability belied his 62 years (placing him on a very short list of British Invasion icons who can still perform with the conviction and urgency of their heyday) and made everyone their feel like they were part of something more than a routine Classic Rock Cash-In. He put the "showman" in "showmanship".

You could say he really got me.

2006-07-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

1946-2006

"I don't care if the sun don't shine
And I don't care if nothing is mine"

- Syd Barrett, "Jugband Blues".

Rest In Peace, you crazy diamond.

2006-07-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's been a zillion years since I posted proper so here I go with one of little consequence (but one of great importance in my world).

About a dozen years ago I liquidated most of my CD collection to help pay for a trip to Europe (I was 21 and fending off a semi-imagined mid-life crisis). Well many years later I've managed to replace the vital titles of my dearly departed catalog but a few still elude me.

After reading a recent Rolling Stone article on James Brown I started missing, I mean REALLY missing my old copy of "The CD of JB" (the first CD compilation of James Brown material ever to be released).

Sure there have been other James Brown compilations (one of which I have)...but none has been better than the CD of JB. I mean this one has "Doing It To Death" AND "Mother Popcorn" AND "Sex Machine"! Never had such a playlist of James Brown original soul had been so expertly programmed (and thanks to greedy corporate record marketeers, one would never appear again that good). I didn't appreciate what I had and like the cliche', I didn't know what I had 'til it was gone.

So flash forward to the present and an empty-handed Amoeba trip later, eBay has delivered the CD of JB back to the CD Player of Rev.Speats.

As the Godfather of Soul himself would say, "I feel good".

2006-06-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Billy Preston 1947-2006

That's the way god planned it...

2006-04-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

Let There Be Even More Light

All of us (us meaning Floydians) knew in our rational minds that last year's Pink Floyd Live 8 full band reunion had little to slim chance of building into a full blown tour. We wanted it (still do), prayed for it (still are), but we moved on with a wistful "well maybe next year" attitude. It was like when the Cubs almost went to the world series. Almost. We relived the Live 8 moment time and again on our TiVos and later DVDs and hung in quiet desperation and hoped said reunion would happen.
It didn't.

Roger Waters (who infamously took his fellow band-mates to London's high court to prevent them from going on as Pink Floyd without him) and David Gilmour (who had great success leading Pink Floyd in the late '80s and early'90s without Waters) buried the old hatchet last year but didn't agree to any future plans beyond Live 8.

In the Pink Floyd Universe (where millions of us music snobs and their equally puzzled and befuddled spouses/partners live), it seems the fans were not the only ones warmed by seeing the band reunite.

Within a few months of Live 8, David Gilmour announced he'd be releasing his first solo record in 22 years with a tour to follow (his last one came out in 1984, I purchased it on cassette, I was in the sixth grade...CDs were still a summer away back in that time when boom-boxes were known as "ghetto blasters"). Roger Waters released his long-in-the-works Operatic work "Ca Ira" and announced a tour of his own.

Here it gets a little "Squid and The Whale" (or like shared custody for those who haven't seen that film). Gilmour announces he's taking keyboardist Richard Wright (founder member of the band and the only one who's played in every incarnation of the group) with him on his tour and Waters counters with bringing original drummer Nick Mason on his.(Waters for the record did extend an invitation to Richard Wright to join him but declined).

It seems the collective members of the band want to give the fans the reunion without the inherit baggage of doing it under the Pink Floyd banner. Mom and dad love their children but just can't live under the same roof anymore, right?

December saw the pre-sale of the L.A. Gilmour dates and I mortgaged a percentage of my Christmas bonus for an orchestra seat at the Kodak Theater and then the wait began. The 19th of April even in my so-called adult years seemed eons away. Like the distance between the beginning of fall semester and summer vacation from a first grader's point of view.

At long last the 19th arrived with the expediency of all things and I made my way on foot to Hollywood and Highland. Hands shaking, memories of all things Floyd in my past rushed to my head (like riding shotgun around the Valley with my-partner-in-subversity Greg as I lectured him on Floyd minutae while trading pipe hits during my high school days and that long ago time when each new Floyd album added to my collection was like discovering a piece of the Dead Sea Scrolls) as I took my seat inside the grandeur of the Kodak Theater.

The lights dimmed and the theater rumbled with the communal heartbeat of "Breathe" and the promise of all things I hold dear musically became reality for the next two hours and thirty minutes. I went through every emotion as the night progressed. Seeing David harmonize with Richard Wright on "Echoes", (something that only existed previously in headphoned reality), made me realize how damn lucky I am. Hearing such relative obscurities as "Fat Old Sun" and "Arnold Layne" in such an intimate setting reinforced how fortunate I felt to be there. I felt joy for having the privilege to be a part of this experience and remorse for those closest with me and this music weren't there to experience it too.

Now I'm not one who "gets religion" in the conventional way...Seven years of Hebrew school didn't make me a believer and I'm nowhere closer to getting cozy with God than I was back then. But I think I know now what it must feel like to be uplifted in that churchy spiritual way...Sound corny? Of course it does, though I can't deny the positivity and joy I felt by hearing this music live and played with such conviction.

I set out originally to write this as a review of the show with requisite setlist, how cool the light show was and the like, but I realized this became something else entirely. A testament to the transformative power of the concert experience and how I left changed for the better. My secular world just got a little more spiritual.

How I wish, how I wish you were there.

2006-04-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

Tony Soprano humming the Jethro Tull's "Aqualung"? It's Not TV. It's HBO. It's Why God Created The TiVo. So Rev.Speats Could Relive Glorious Moments Like That Over and Over. . .

I have to say I can't begrudge Tony for his musical taste or to go bald naturally without incessantly shaving his head like most balding men today (myself included from time to time).

Whether its listening to Deep Purple while comatose or humming a little 'Tull, Tony always knows what time it is.

2006-04-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

Growing in up under the influence of my older brother’s record collection, the joyful noise I was first introduced to (as I’ve mentioned before) was the holy triumvirate of KISS, Queen, and Styx.

When the ’80s officially became “The ‘80s” (‘round about July 22nd , 1984), these bands largely fell out of favor and my brother hitched his acid-washed star to Depeche Mode, Erasure, and New Order (driving his new allegiance home with requisite Human League Haircut and K-ROQ bumper sticker). His old arena rock records gathered dust and quickly I became the Keeper of the Flame. (“Come Sail Away” and “Bohemian Rhapsody” spoke to me in ways back then that “People Are People” and “Blue Monday” never could).

Critical-darling-bands like The Velvet Underground (for me) arrived round about the time I started developing a taste for club soda and pricey British music rags like Q and the NME (right around late high school). And even then (and still now), every time I became of a victim of Music-Journalism-Hype-Syndrome and a new band (or a band new to me) would ultimately disappoint me, I would run screaming into the reassuring arms of my Queen records. If I had to quantify why their music in particular meant so much to me, all could say is that it makes me feel damn good. It goes back to what Duke Ellington said about Jazz (or was it Louie Armstrong?), that if you had to explain the music then you’ve already missed the point.

But I digress. As time past and music became The Center of My Universe and disposable income plunged headlong into entire back catalogs, I started taking in rock concerts like senior citizens entering the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. At one point or another I got to witness all my childhood heroes (in one incarnation or another) on stage. Except for one glaring omission and all that changed two nights ago.

AIDS took away Freddie Mercury nearly 15 years ago and with that snuffing out one of the most beloved bands of Classic Rock Era. Though Queen’s music has endured and flourished since his passing, the fans have had to settle for the occasional compilation as all band activity for obvious reasons ceased after Freddie’s death. Until now.

Now I have to admit I was really skeptical and naturally suspect when I heard Queen was touring with Paul Rodgers (of Bad Company…I mean WHAT THE FUCK?? Do I really want to hear the “Feel like Makin’ Love”-guy singing MY Queen songs????) All of us collectively scratched our heads and wondered out loud why they didn’t pick a Robbie Williams or a George Michael to front them (At least that would have made a bit more sense). But Bad Company Guy??? It was as if Paul McCartney had recruited Micky Dolenz to take Lennon’s spot on a reconstituted Beatles tour. Livid? Not quite. Disappointed? You betcha.

But time and reassurances from those who witnessed the new incarnation of Queen softened my stance. After all, so many second and third generation U.S. fans never got to see them at all (the band stopped touring America in the early ‘80s), so who am I to begrudge them for giving us an opportunity to hear this music live at all? We all know that it’s never going to be like it once was but something when done right and with taste is better than nothing at all.

So at the behest of one of the faithful, I accepted an invitation to see the “Queen + Paul Rodgers” show that came through town Monday night. My fears were eased almost immediately as what I initially perceived as a crass attempt to cash in on their legacy turned out to be a spirited celebration of Queen’s music and a very emotional tribute to the memory of Freddie Mercury. It was the best musical leap of faith I’ve ever made. All the cynicism this self-proclaimed Music Snob had went out the door as the lights dimmed and the band kicked into “Tie Your Mother Down”.

I can’t tell you how much it meant to here those songs live and with so many of the faithful singing along to them.

Hell it damn near made me a Paul Rodgers fan. Emphasis on the “damn near” part.

Here are some of the highlights:

Love of My Life (from “A Night At The Opera”) - Brian May sang and played this solo on his 12-string acoustic...the entire audience joined him for the chorus. Fucking beautiful

Dragon Attack (overlooked album track from “The Game”) - Just because they did it. Paul sang the shit out of this one. A real pleasant surprise.

Radio GaGa (One of their biggest ‘80s singles) Roger Taylor and Paul Rodgers shared the vocals, everyone clapped along appropriately during the chorus.

These Are The Days of Our Lives - Roger sang this track from the Innuendo album beautifully to a backdrop of early Queen footage. A very sentimental moment.

Under Pressure - This had the deepest emotional impact of all the songs, with Brian, Roger Taylor, and Paul Rodgers all sharing the vocals. Amazing. I've seen Bowie do this before, but this was better.

Bohemian Rhapsody - This really was moving as the band played live to a clip of Freddie to the first half of the song and during the middle part featured a montage of Freddie thru the years and then the band kicked in live for the end of the tune. Really Powerful.

2006-03-17T16:37:00.000-08:00

Ladies and bloggermen, I give you Roadmaster...perhaps the greatest 1970s arena rock band you've never heard of.

Wildly successful in their home state of Indiana during their '70s heyday, Roadmaster churned out four albums of inspired if unoriginal anthemic pomp rock a la Styx, Journey, and REO Speedwagon. Their 1978 breakthrough "Sweet Music" (released on the indie Village Records label) yielded them a deal with Mercury Records (which released their final two albums "Hey World" and "Fortress). Sadly, despite touring the world as the go-to support act for many major bands of the day, Roadmaster's regional success did not translate to the national level and the group disbanded in early 1982.

Success however did not elude the band's bass player, Toby Myers, who went on to be John Mellencamp's bassist for nearly two decades. The band reunited briefly in the mid-'90s for a run of shows in their home state but any hopes of further activity were permanently dashed with the untimely passing of lead vocalist Stephen MacNally in 1998.

So you're probally asking why all my attention on this band?

Well, it goes like this: My brother and I were given a copy of their "Sweet Music" album when we were kids and it absolutely knocked us out. We spent many an afternoon air guitaring our way through that record with the same unbridled enthusiasm that greeted our well worn KISS, Styx, and Queen vinyl. Because nobody else had heard of the band never ever figured into the equation.

It was the music of the time...the kind of vapid happy-go-lucky type of rock that used to blair out of vans everywhere in my neighborhood and I suspect most of yours too (even if y'all were too young to recall the Summer of '79). At the risk of sounding like an old fart (one I'm willing to take), it was the kindler, gentler music of a one-phoneline-household-pre-internet age. And more over, the songs were (and are) damned good.

Sweet Music indeed.

2006-03-07T16:38:00.000-08:00

Will The Real Crash Stand-up?

Ok, I ain't gonna talk about the Oscars because a) Two days have passed and its getting staler than the bagels in the day-old section of my local Ralph's and b) "Crash" is still Best Picture...

I mean for fuck's sake...the state of California recalled Gray Davis and replaced him with Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger when it was felt all was not well...Can't we do the same with "Crash" and replace it with "The Ghost & Mr.Chicken"? Its the least we could do for Don Knotts and it depicts reality a whole helluva lot better than Paul Haggis's steaming pile of debacle.

I demand a recall. I DEMAND A RECALL! Ok...breathe. breathe. I said I wasn't going to talk about the goddang Oscars. I just can't wrap my head around it quite yet. I haven't been this disappointed since George W.Bush won for a second time.

And furthermore, it's an insult to the David Cronenberg film of the same name! Personally, I liked the film better when it was called "Magnolia".

2006-02-27T11:37:00.000-08:00

Farewell to three actors with real character.

2006-02-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

Cheneygate Continues:

Aerosmith and Weird Al Yankovic have tentatively agreed to record “Cheney’s Got A Gun” (a parody of the veteran rock group’s 1989 single, “Janey’s Got a Gun”). Proceeds from the single will go to the Texas Barristers Preservation Society & The Society for The Prevention of Cruelty To Lawyers.

2006-02-13T11:48:00.000-08:00

Though details are still developing, we here at Speats Central have just received this exclusive image of the events that led up to Dick Cheney's recent hunting accident which occurred in Corpus Christi, Texas over the weekend...

2006-02-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

Birthday observations upon this, my 34th:

The morning DJ on KKGO (an Adult Standards station here in L.A.) declaring Frank Sinatra’s “No One Cares” as an overlooked and underappreciated work. The unintended irony of his statement wasn’t lost on me. I laughed out loud and the dog gave me a quizzical look…perhaps he just wanted a biscuit.

Picked up the new Saint Etienne yesterday (“Tales From Turnpike House” out now on Savoy Jazz). Early impressions? The most quintessentially English album since Blur’s “Modern Life Is Rubbish” and dare I say, “The Kinks Are The Village Preservation Society”.

Rock snobs don’t get old, they only get snobbier.

I don’t feel 34 but I don’t know what 34 is supposed to feel like…I think 35 will have more of an impact, after all that age is mentioned in one of the most recognizable (if not wistful) songs in the Sinatra canon…”When I was 35…”. You know how the song goes. If not, you should. They are all very good years.

2006-01-30T17:27:00.000-08:00

So the first birthday gifts have arrived in the form of items from my Amazon wish list including "Seven Days In Memphis" by Mr.Sandy Cohen himself, Mr.Peter Gallagher!

For a kitsch-meister like myself, the Wish List is a guilt-free way to collect all the shlock you want!

Upon first listen, this album immediately takes its rightful place next to David Hasselhoff's "Nightrocker", Don Johnson's "Heartbeat", and of course Bruce Willis's "The Return of Bruno".

Now if it only came with Sandy Cohen's patented bagel slicer....

2006-01-27T16:10:00.000-08:00

Great Moments In The History of Daytime Television Pimp Characters:

All My Children's Billy Clyde Tuggle models his latest ensemble as he contemplates whether his bitches have his money.

They bettah...

2006-01-11T16:12:00.000-08:00

Great Moments In The KISStory of Rev.Speats - 2006

One would rarely call Los Angeles's exotic dance club Cheetah's a literary salon (though who am I to judge?), but for everything there is a first time and in another in a series of firsts I came face to face last night with a dancer who turned out to be Wendy Moore, author of Into The Void With Ace Frehley (one of the most entertaining and brutally honest non-fiction Rock N Roll books ever written and perhaps the most consistantly accurate portrait of a KISS member in print.) She definitely got a kick out of meeting someone who'd read her book and let me say for the record, she is really cool and probably the most articulate exotic dancer I've ever met (not that I've met that many or any exotic dancers mind you).

Let me digress for a moment here, I mean what are the odds of walking into Cheetah's and one of the dancers turns out to be a published author of a book that is: a) About your favorite KISS member and b) One you've actually bought and read cover to cover???? I tell you the KISS Army really takes care of its own.

(For The Record, The Good Reverend's Reasons For Being at Cheetah's Last Night Were of a Bachelor Party Nature).

2006-01-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

You're Gonna Miss His Lovin'

Rest In Peace Lou.

2005-12-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

Pryor Appreciation

Not long after I fully became of Richard Pryor (courtesy of Superman III, which most 11-year-old boys were genetically predisposed to seeing upon its release), I was busted for putting an Eddie Murphy cassette inside a floor-model Teddy Ruxpin at the local K-Mart. I had this theory that the doll’s eyes and mouth would animate regardless of whatever tape was playing inside it. I was proven right, and this fearless act of guerilla comedy was unjustly rewarded with an achingly stern lecture by the store manager and a less-than-ceremonious escort from the premises. A single act of fearlessness in the name of laughter and I was back to subverting the system from the inside.

Richard Pryor lived his entire life on the outside, completely fearless. It was about as honest a life as any public figure (let alone comedian) would ever lead. There was no separating the comic persona and the man—everything he lived he offered up for public consumption. And we ate it up as fast as he could deliver it. He was a self-effacing storyteller who laughed at himself as we laughed with him.

Our collective split sides are better for having had Richard Pryor in the world, and now he’s on to the next. They’ll never know what hit ’em. Lucky motherfuckers.

2005-12-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

Rest In Peace Motherf*cker.

2005-12-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

"All my little plans and schemes

Lost like some forgotten dream

Seems like all I really was doing

Was waiting for you".

-John Ono Lennon

October 9, 1940 - December 8, 1980

2005-12-01T17:57:00.000-08:00

Having gone nearly six weeks without a post is a new record in the short history of the Blog Cabin...I don't know if it's due to that I don't have much to say (I do), or that I'm incredibly lazy (hells yes I am) or that Mrs.Speats blogs a better blog (she does), but for lack of a better idea here's Speats List of Things That Have Appeal as of December 2nd, 2005:

Being With Mrs.Speats (Nearly a thousand days of a frozen-pizza-free-existence and counting!)
Haliburton Wrist Watches (Always a good conversation piece and a good way to know what time it is in Hell).
Buster The Wonder Poodle (Bad news if you are a UPS delivery man but good news if you're me...and speaking of UPS...what the hell did brown do for me anyway except stain my Styx Paradise Theater shirt?)
Thanksgiving (Sure it's so last week, but the memories of Pumpkin Pie and the annual listen of the Alice's Restaraunt Massacree linger on).
Lewis Black (For pointing out that The End of The Universe is Houston, Texas....of course Superman II drove that point home back in 1981).
South Park (Ridiculin' Scientology is a helluva drug).
Isaac Hayes (Wearin' a turban on 1976's Groove-a-thon album cover or Truck Turner? I can't decide what's more badass).
TiVo (For locating a Christmas film starring William Shatner and Gary Coleman).
Dennis Weaver (Four Words: "Cocaine - One Man's Seduction").
Paul McCartney Live 2005 - (Sure he's a bit of a putz and looks like Angela Lansbury these days but for a Beatlemaniac like meself you couldn't hope for a better setlist, and yes I'm gonna list the whole damn thing):

Magical Mystery Tour
Flaming Pie
Jet
I'll Get You
Drive My Car
Till There Was You
Let Me Roll It
Got to Get You Into My Life
Fine Line
Maybe I'm Amazed
The Long And Winding Road
In Spite Of All the Danger
I Will
Jenny Wren
For No One
Fixing A Hole
English Tea
I'll Follow the Sun
Follow MeBlackbird
Eleanor Rigby
Too Many People
She Came In Through The Bathroom Window
Good Day Sunshine
Band On The Run
Penny Lane
I've Got A Feeling
Back In The USSR
Hey Jude
Live And Let Die
Yesterday
Get Back
Helter Skelter
Please Please Me
Let It Be
Sgt. Pepper (Reprise)
The End

2005-10-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to take offense to most anything but when I hear folks 'round the office say they wish they could be Jewish for a day so they can skip work because of the High Holy Days is something that's starting to leave a bad taste.

Wouldn't it be nice to assume a faith when its convenient? I'm sure the victims of the Holocaust would've liked to have shed their Judiasm to escape persecution in order to survive, but unfortunately they didn't have a choice. (I'm sure if faced with same the situation, many of those same wanna-be-Jews-for-a-day wouldn't be so gung ho to reach for the torah and dance the horah).

Rarely have I heard people wishing they were Christian so they can get Ash Wednesday off, a lot of businesses close on Good Friday and of course Christmas Day. . . So when I hear people bemoan the fact that a small number people take time off to observe the High Holy Days it would be refreshing if they could resist the temptation to twist it into something they feel cheated out of. Practicing Jews are not at work on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur because they are observing their faith, not taking a vacation day.

**Incidentally, This NON-Practicing Jew Put In A Full Day At Work On Both Aforementioned Holidays**

2005-10-11T14:57:00.000-07:00

The critical thinkers at USA Today had this to say about the new ABC series "Commander In Chief" (mind you I am paraphrasing):

"Playing The President On Television: A Job More Difficult In Real Life".

Someone had better mention this to the man pictured above.

2005-09-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

"Sorry Brahms, you're just not right for our band INXS"

2005-08-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was asked to come into the office this Sunday.

I have officially been Office Spaced.

2005-08-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Robert Moog 1934 - 2005

Synthesize In Peace.

2005-08-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

Lord knows I'm not one for poetry (or poets actually), but I think professional ugly mug Michael Madsen's foray into verse deserves The Pulitizer Prize or at least the title of Poet Laureate...so without further ado, I give you "Beating" by Michael Madsen:

Why do some men ask for a

beating?

You can see it in there faces,

You know...they need it.

I beat a guy

With a tire iron once

who pulled a knife on me

and

felt

good

to break the bones

in-his-face and see him bleed.

I probably would've killed him...

If I hadn't stopped-

I guess...we will both

remember each other.

-MICHAEL MADSEN

2005-07-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace Jimmy.

2005-07-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

Reverend Speats's Blog Cabin is a proud supporter of

Muppet gay marriage.

2005-07-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

In our old 'hood I'd sometimes see an elderly gentleman trolling around sporting a classic Mike Douglas-meets-You-Bet-Your-Life-era-Groucho Marx-haven't-bought-new-clothes-since-' 74- look I'd often refer to as "Future Me".

Last week I believe Future Me via our TiVo (by way of a non-soft porn Cinemax broadcast) sent a transmission to offer a glimpse of my possible future*...

*(I hope I'm the George Burns in this equation.)

2005-07-07T18:43:00.000-07:00

Posting this nearly a week after the Pink Floyd Live 8 reunion may be old news...but the for this life long fan this is an image that speaks a thousand hopes.

2005-06-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

The other night, the good Reverend's wife revealed she shares a birthday with perhaps the greatest and most underrated songwriter of his generation, Mr.Raymond Douglas Davies. So upon my fastly approaching one year wedding aniversary I'd just like to say to Mrs.Speats:

Girl, you really got me goin’
You got me so I don’t know what I’m doin
’Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can’t sleep at night

Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’, now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can’t sleep at night

You really got me
You really got me
You really got me

See, don’t ever set me free
I always wanna be by your side
Girl, you really got me now
You got me so I can’t sleep at night

Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’, now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can’t sleep at night

You really got me
You really got me
You really got me

2005-06-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

Last night my TiVo told me that Bono and Brad Pitt had an "important message for me".

Well guys...I HAVEN'T GOT ALL BLOODY DAY!

2005-06-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

"It's great to be asked to help Bob raise public awareness on the issues of third world debt and poverty. "The cynics will scoff, screw 'em! "Also, to be given the opportunity to put the band back together, even if it's only for a few numbers, is a big bonus." - Roger Waters

"Like most people I want to do everything I can to persuade the G8 leaders to make huge commitments to the relief of poverty and increased aid to the third world. It’s crazy that America gives such a paltry percentage of its GNP to the starving nations. Any squabbles Roger and the band have had in the past are so petty in this context, and if re-forming for this concert will help focus attention then it’s got to be worthwhile." - David Gilmour

Somebody nominate Bob Geldof for the Nobel freakin' prize!

The overwhelming news of Pink Floyd reuniting for the Live 8 concerts takes its rightful place among the Great Floyd Moments In The History of Rev.Speats:

For the curious, here's a partial list:

Seeing Roger Waters live in 1985. My first concert, the ticket including handling charges was $14.50.
Seeing a double feature of The Wall and Pink Floyd At Pompeii (billed as "Pompa II") the same year at the Baronet Theater in lovely Canoga Park, CA.
Camping out the night before Roger Waters tickets went on sale at the Northridge Music Plus in fall 1987. For everything there is a first and LAST time.
Buying reunitedPink Floyd tix at the same Music Plus a few weeks later. Getting tix in July for a November show when you're 15 years old is like being told you can't drink until you're 35. Also it is important to note that I helped push Steve Perez's car up Corbin Street after said ticket purchase.
Getting into a car accident en route to Los Angeles Coliseum to see the Waters-less Floyd in 1988.
Acquiring my own copy of "Pink Floyd: A Visual Documentary Compiled By Miles" in 1991 after spending the previous five years combing over my friend Natalie's copy as if it were the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Getting chastised by various high school instructors for paying more attention to my copy of Nicholas Shaffner's Floyd biography "Saucerful of Secrets" the same year. Hey...Teacher(s.)..leave that Speats alone!!
Writing college English term paper on Syd Barrett in the Spring of 1994. The paper earns an A and brings a close friend to tears after reading it. It should be of note that onion-skin paper was not used for this assignment.
Seeing Roger Waters two nights in a row at the Universal Ampitheater in June of 2000....thanks to the modern miracle of credit cards, I enjoy the thrill of paying for those shows to this day.
Reading Nick Mason's biography of the band "Inside Out" whilst enjoying delicious complimentary honey-roasted peanuts on a recent Continental Airlines flight to Cancun, Mexico.

Best of all, the legions of emails from trusted comrades who alerted me to the impending Floyd reunion and who will join me in purchasing ridiculously expensive reunion tickets, I salute all of you.

Shine on you crazy diamonds!!

2005-06-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Reasons I Haven't Posted Since Ford Was A President And Not An "Explorer":

The Runaway Bride of Duluth accused me of putting fingers in her chili, then selling my story to Wendy's.
Balding is a full time job.
Dennis DeYoung hasn't returned my calls.
Went to South Africa for "mental vacation".
Lecture tour of Vice Presidential Libraries took longer than expected.
Elmer's Glue is a helluva drug.
Kim Jong Ill just won't budge.
Went to Cancun to forget South Africa.
Pope Benedict burned all my notes against my will.
"More Than Friends"** (aka "When Laverne Met Meathead") was on Cinemax the other night and nothing distracts like a 1978 TV movie starring Penny Marshall and Rob Reiner as star-crossed lovers.

{**Directed by Jim Burrows and co-starring Joey Pants (Joe Pantoliano to the uninitiated) and Michael "David St.Hubbins" McKean, and featuring Laverne and Meathead arguing about bagels and lox, the Sunday New York Times, Bronx softball games, and the foibles of modern romance; this low-grade-proto-When Harry Met Sally begs the question: when did the good lord choose to make this film, and couldn't he have rested on that day too.}

With that said, I couldn't take my eyes away from the screen. I like my late night TV like I like my trainwrecks, full of Laverne & Meathead.

2005-05-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry Blog I've neglected you, but I just found out where I packed your honky ass. (It was right next to my collected works of Robert Fulghum and Yanni cassettes).

Moving, though fun as a late career Richard Pryor vehicle is about as enjoyable as a cactus enema administered in a Turkish prison after mandatory excercise time during summer.

I don't advise ever to undergo this practice unless you feel the need to purge yourself of six year-old pay stubs and that aged issue of Bikini magazine with the Gary Coleman drinking game, well, even then I would seriously think about it.

The upside of moving after seven years of Soviet style apartment living is watching how quickly Los Angeles's transient population picks up the scent of freshly discarded Ab-Rockers and Magic Hour t-shirts. They descend upon the Not-Good-Enough-For-Goodwill heap with the clip of a cranked-up Pat O'Brien on speed-dial. In other words, Homeless Depot is open for business kids! No money down! EVER!

In closing, the best time to move lies on the list of THINGS TO DO ONLY IF YOU HAVE TO (or because your current building owner is a complete soul-less prick whose next of kin should be disembowled with a tube of Pilsbury Parker House Rolls while he watches from a burning cage made of Rottweiler feces) right below visiting Bagdad wearing nothing but American flag parachute pants and a Viva Bush jumper.

2005-04-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

New Pope? Old Pope? . . .

2005-04-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

I think I prefer Pope Classic.

2005-04-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

According to the discriminating and sensitive think tank that is the 99 Cents Only organization (via a print ad in today's LA Times), Prince Charles and Camila Parker-Bowles forthcoming nuptials were postponed to this coming Saturday...

Not because of the passing of the Pope as reported earlier by serveral reliable news sources, but because this coming Saturday is the 99th day of the year. A representative for the House of Windsor (Sir Clarence Birdseye) had this to say regarding the clarification:

"While Charles and Camila have the deepest sympathies for the incredible loss of Pope John Paul II, the American-based 99 Cents Only store has contributed to an invaluable service to the United Kingdom that supercedes the Catholic church and therefore the couple wanted to move their wedding date to the 99th day of the year in observance of this aforementioned contribution.."

No word yet if the Prince and Princess Consort-to be have chosen the retail giant as one of their many wedding registries.

2005-03-28T13:48:00.000-08:00

As you can tell, I'm a little obsessed with the recent discovery of a human finger inside an order of chili at a Wendy's in Santa Clara, Ca....

As an active member of my community and at the behest of my wife, I placed the following call to my local Wendy's hoping to get to the bottom of this story:

Wendy's Employee: Hello, thank you for calling Wendy's, how may I help you?
Me: Yes, do you happen to have Chili Fingers on your menu?
Wendy's Employee: (giggles) No sir, I'm sorry we don't.
Me: Thanks!

The life of a concerned citizen never takes a break and never lets an opportunity go by to make prank calls based on current events.

2005-03-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

One man who would never stand for a finger in his Wendy's chili.

2005-03-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

Well if any film was ripe for a Robert Blake makeover...

2005-03-11T17:12:00.000-08:00

Apparently, the ever verastile Marjoe Gortner is a recording artiste too...is there any area of the performing arts that Marjoe cannot conquer and make his own?

2005-03-11T12:10:00.000-08:00

Oh TiVo, Be You Must On The Dark Side of The Force...

For cutting off the very end of the Episode III trailer during last night's episode of The O.C (that I thankfully did not have to sit through in real time)....I don't care that they made Rooney a household name and resurrected Peter Gallagher, Fox and The OC and TiVo are off the Christmas list for now.

At least I got to see a great TJ Hooker rerun co-starring William Shatner's "Pray For The Wildcats" cohort Marjoe Gortner!

Come to think of it, not to many actors by the name of Marjoe are there? I think its time old Marjoe had a career resurrection a la Thomas Haden Church...

Alexander Payne, are you listening?? Marjoe Gortner!!

2005-03-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

In a time where DJs consider themselves musicians and remixes and mash-ups come off as originality, Petra Haden, armed only with her voice and Mike Watt's four track, releases the most original musical reimagining you'll hear this year.

2005-03-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

Our Quote of the Day comes from a folk hero of mine, Mr.Lewis Black:

"MTV is to music what KFC is to chicken"

2005-03-02T14:24:00.000-08:00

The Michael Jackson trial is attracting the world's most respected journalists including the correspondent pictured above from the All Comedy Radio Network whose credentials include "On The Right Track", "Jimmy The Kid", and "The Kid With The Broken Halo"...

2005-03-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

March 1st people!...Time to Beware The Ides...or at least any head of state that says "All options are on the table!"

Random thoughts/musings/statements that have crossed the Rev.'s mind lately:

Million Dollar Baby's Oscar victory restored my faith that I can accurately predict a Best Picture and parlay that into a free hot dog at Scooby's in Hollywood (courtesy of a wager lost by Mrs.Speats)
The 99 Cents Store still has the best advertising copy. Today they acknowledged that Howard Hughes would've been 99 today and then turned it into a kiss-off to The Aviator losing to Million Dollar Baby...all this from the store that sells Pakastani toothpaste and public domain David Hassellhoff DVDs.
Having a pet to come home to really is better than weed for easing the stress of the dayjob. Really.
Receiving collectable non-makeup-era(!) KISS Russian dolls for Valentine's Day rocks more than most non-makeup-era KISS.
Jazz/Blues/Legend/Sage Mose Allison is still the hippest of the hep, Get to know Mose if you don't already. He doesn't worry 'bout a thing 'cause he knows nothing's gonna be alright. Like we all should.
Its ok to love STYX.

Goodday and Godspeed.

2005-02-22T12:40:00.000-08:00

Welcome Back!!

Now I could blog about how I participated last week in a Save Star Trek campaign, the underappreciated mid-60s work of the Everly Brothers, the favorable outcome of the Grammys, and the virtues of our lovely dog Buster (who is by far the greatest dog in the history of canines) but it would be a profound disservice to more pressing matters, such as reprinting these lyrics from a recently discovered (by me anyway) hidden track from the 1973 Styx Album "The Serpent Is Rising":

Plexiglass Toilet
Written by John Curulewski
Lead vocals by John Curulewski

Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

A boy of 5 stands close to the toilet
Holds the lid up with one hand
Won't let go the lid for fear that
On his banana it will land
Don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

Boy goes up he eats the enchilada
With the sauce that burns the heart
Family comes to visit family
Momma says don't belch and fart

Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

Everybody Sing!
Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

***Leave to Styx to finally provide the avid music fan a "hidden" track (albeit one from a 32-year old album) worthy of listening to.***

It's a rock 'n roll feeling!

2005-02-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Rev.Speats's Beard,

You've kept my face warm and somewhat grizzled since '04 turned into '05. You saw me through a French New Year, two inflight screenings of Rudy and a three hour-plus screening of The Big Red One.

You've proven your growth potential and ability to cover my face admirably. I shall hold the memory of your service to my chin in high esteem. Your's is a beard that put the ZZ in Top, the Grizzly in Addams, the Hank in Hank Williams, Jr.

When I shave you and send your earthly remains to sea, I shall do it with pride, a Mach 3, and the memories of a face well served.

Yours In Eternal Gratitude,
The Rev.Jeffriah Speats

2005-02-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

Well here we are...I turn 33 today, or as I prefer it, I celebrate the 30th Aniversary of My Third Birthday.

I know its gonna be great year 'cause my boss gave me a DVD bootleg of Let It Be and welcomed me this morning by blasting The Beatles playing Happy Birthday from an old BBC broadcast. Not a bad way to start off the day...

Perhaps the best news of February is that the Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst Backlash has officially begun.

I had faith that it wouldn't take this no-talent-pseudo-sensitive-bighead Ryan Adams 2.0 very long to prove he's the Emperor's New Dylan (no thanks to 105 year-old L.A. Times music critc-turned-lemming Robert Hilburn - who would probally hail my turtle at this point as the next Dylan "with the passion of a young U2 and the burning hunger of early Springsteen", the fuckin' ass hat! - I'm serious, Hilburn's been with the LA Times longer than I've been alive, I think he probally compared Thomas Edison's records "to a young and Hungry Bob Dylan, who won't be born for another 40 years" -). This guy probally wrote his first reviews utilizing Gutenberg's movable type!

But I digress..

The All Music Guide recently put it best when assessing Bright Eyes's latest abomination:

"I'm Wide Awake is designed as a nakedly honest singer/songwriter album, somewhat inspired by the classics of the genre in the '70s — he even recruits Emmylou Harris for some harmonies, hoping that some of the old Gram Parsons' magic will rub off — but its directness reveals that the emperor has no clothes. . .Oberst's music seems not simpler, but simplistic, the plodding music acting as a bed for monochromatic melodies that merely serve as a delivery mechanism for all those words he's poured out on the page. Far from being the second coming of Dylan, Oberst is as precious as Paul Simon, but without any sense of rhyme or meter or gift for imagery, puking out lines filled with cheap metaphors and clumsy words that don't scan...the whole enterprise has a sense of phoniness that's only enhanced by its unadorned production."

I think it just plain sucks ass. Let the backlash begin!

2005-01-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Along with the resignations of Tom Ridge, Colin Powell, and John Ashcroft, another key public figure has decided to step down after years of dutiful service.

Here is his letter:

LETTER OF HONORABLE DISCHARGEFROM THE KISS ARMY

"Should we perish on the fields of battle, bury us not in the cold, gray earth: Let us go rock and roll."

Date: January 25, 2005
From: Adm. Terry James
To: 1st Lieut. Jeffriah Speats

Mr. Speats:

I pen these words with a mixture of sadness and joy. It has been an honor to serve with you since our initial admission in 1978. Much has transpired since, but the memories of our many successful campaigns give me a considerable boost as I contemplate my own future with the division. You have been an asset to the cause since childhood; your deceptively youthful but able assistance during the Long Beach Arena and Fabulous Forum imbroglios in 1979, when recruitment plummeted after our Fearless Leaders' integrity was questioned post-UNMASKED.

Even at the age of seven, you instinctively understood that to follow KISS meant selfless sacrifice--and that the rewards of selfless sacrifice would one day be great, as it indeed was--thrice: first, when our commanders fearlessly shed their makeup (and a number of key revolving personnel) and conquered the world naked-faced with LICK IT UP and beyond, then when the original core regrouped for a second, final assault.

And in the face of the ultimate challenge, SMASHES THRASHES & HITS, when a number of even our veteran officers second-guessed the wisdom of transferring Eric Carr (God rest his soul) from drummer's chair to vocalist on "Beth"--blasphemy to the Criss legions--you stood unwavering in your allegiance. For this, we are forever grateful. You are truly an integral chapter in the neverending KISStory.

I applaud your years of devotion and service; your stellar record is beyond compare. My heart is heavy at the prospect of your departure, but I am confident that you will carry within you the God of Thunder, and pass its legacy to your children: the KISS past, present, and future, one nation under the coliseum roof of The Universe. My parting words to you, my compatriot, are succinct and true: You have been given a gift. You have been given a road. And that road's name is rock 'n' roll.

Godspeed,
Admiral Terry James
Starchild Artillery Division
KISS Army
"E pluribus silicone"

Reprinted with kind permission.

2005-01-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

To the man behind the desk who kept me up late Monday through Friday during my teens, I dedicate this from The Beach Boy's 1977 "Love You" album:

"Johnny Carson"

He sits behind his microphone
John-ny Car-son
He speaks in such a manly tone
John-ny Car-son

Ed McMahon comes on and says "Here's Johhny"
Every night at eleven thirty he's so funny
It's nice to have you on the show tonight
I've seen your act in Vegas out of sight

When guests are boring he fills up the slack
John-ny Car-son
The network makes him break his back
John-ny Car-son

Ed McMahon comes on and says "Here's Johhny"
Every night at eleven thirty he's so funny
Don't you think he's such a natural guy
The way he's kept it up could make you cry

Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.
Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.

Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.
Who's the man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.

- Brian Wilson

2005-01-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

# 1 Sign The New Year's Arrived and The Holidays Are Over:

Seeing a clueless 1986-Billabong -sweatshirt-havin'-overstuffed-backpack-with-Star Trek-buttons-wearin' bus rider on the morning commute with his bare ass-crack hanging out for all of greater Los Angeles to see.

Thank you sir from the bottom of my heart for snuffing out the embers of remaining Yuletide Cheer and ushering me into to cold hard reality. No, really, thank you...I didn't need that cheer anyway.

2005-01-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

Two more questions for American Airlines in regards to their inexplicable to decision to show "Rudy" to me twice on two different flights:

Why "Rudy" and not "Radio"? (You did show "Jerry Maguire" on my flight so its not like you don't have anything against showing old Cuba Gooding Jr. films...unless you're still holding a grudge over "Boat Trip"....If you are, I understand but its time to let go).
Can I expect to see "Friday Night Lights" should I fly coach on your airline to London winter 2014?

Glad I got that off my chest...

2005-01-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

Meet the new year...same as the old year!

While I could wax romantic about me and the wife's recent trip to London and Paris, I feel the need to address the more imperative issue of American Airlines's decision to screen the 1994 Sean Astin football parable "Rudy" on both(!) my return flights home...

So if someone from American Airlines is reading, here is my list of questions:

Why "Rudy"?
Why "Rudy" and why not "Varsity Blues"?
Did you want to show a film as old as the meal you served me?
Did you want to remind a captive flying audience that Jon Favreau was always a bit thick round the middle?
Are Sean Astin films best served with a side of peanuts?
Why not show "Over The Top" and "Necessary Roughness" if you're planning to show nothing but old sports flicks to your passengers?
Is "Rudy" the only Ned Beatty film you plan to show on board your aircrafts this Winter?
Do you think Sean Astin did a convincing job playing "Rudy"?
Do your first class passengers get to see a newer football drama like "Any Given Sunday"?
Do I get bonus miles for having to set through this pile of crap twice?

Thanks American Airlines for listening...now when do we get to see The Longest Yard?

2004-12-22T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what the hell happened to '80s Metal God Don Dokken (of "We're The Dream Warriors (Theme from A Nightmare on Elmstreet 3) " fame?

Me too! I got to thinking with a resume and name like his, old Don shouldn't have any trouble filling his schedule with club shows and the occasional Guitar World interview.

But if he was looking for an outlet...Have I got the business opportunity for him!

Its time Southern California sees the opening of Don Dokken Ford or just simply, "Dokken Ford" (doesn't "Dokken Ford" scream "CAR DEALERSHIP!???!" and roll off the tongue like a set of new Goodyear tires?). Mr.Dokken could open it up in of those towns known just for their massive amounts of auto dealerships like Tustin, Cerritos, Long Beach, or Norwalk! I can't think of better way to attract new car buyers than to have them sold by a beloved Metal act...can you?

Hell, Dokken could reunite his band for the grand opening!! Nothing sells cars to affluent males like a classic metal tune and a couple of pole dancers thrown in for good measure (marketing types like to call this "atmosphere"). Folk music never sold cars folks, lets face it.

Imagine the thrill of driving away in a new Explorer that was sold to you personally by Don Dokken as "Dream Warriors" blares in 5.1 surround...

Some famous author once said there's no second act in an American life, obviously that person never shopped at Dokken Ford.

Happy Holidays and to all a good night.

2004-12-16T13:01:00.000-08:00

I've been one lazy bastard with this blog lately so I humbly apologize...but its the holidays, what I can say? Its the one time of the year where you can basically burn down a chemical plant, hang Big Bird in effigy, declare war on Pasadena, and get away with it because after all, "its the holidays".

Its really the one excuse that you get a free ride because people are a bit more forgiving this time of year: "Sorry honey I wrecked the car, peed on your bosses leg at your Christmas party, and wore the toilet seat 'round my neck on the ride home but I got a little tipsy, and after all "its the holidays".

What else would explain the bizarre compulsion for people to be at a JCPenney at 5:30am on a weekday when they don't work there?

So next time someone cuts you off in traffic, yells at you for doing your job, or basically acts like a complete jerk for no rational reason during the next two weeks, take a deep breath, sit back, and relax.

Its the holidays.

2004-12-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

Here's to the memory of Dimebag Darrell, long may the Cowboy From Hell reign in Heaven...

2004-12-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

Album of the Year!! (those in the know will understand my enthusiasm for the aforementioned statement).

When I return to earth a more meaningful entry will appear.

But let me say this....the films of American International Pictures ' 70s vampire icon Count Yorga rule like the Boston Red Sox and More American Graffitti is perhaps the most underrated movie sequel of the past 25 years!

More after these messages.

2004-11-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

Welcome back kiddies...

I'd like to start the week off with a joke sent to me today courtesy of a Jazz radio promotion veteran...here we go:

"A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had a most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentleman, "Is there something special you do to the soil to get your tomatoes so red?"The gentleman responded, "Well, no. But, quite frankly, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and the tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing in front of her tomato garden to see if it would work.

So, twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden, and hoped for the best.One afternoon the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?""No," she replied, but my cucumbers are enormous!"

**God bless salty Jazz dogs everywhere....**

2004-11-23T16:33:00.000-08:00

Goddang!

There's a reason Gob on Arrested Development rides a Segway...it purposely makes him look like a complete and utter idiot. Not too mention an asshole.

So when I saw three people (three for love of Ralph Furley!!!) riding Segways today while on my lunch break in downtown Beverly Hills, I turned to myself and said "Self, there goes three assholes on Segways..."

The moral of this grievance is that a) Segways are for assholes and b) More folks need to start watching Arrested Development.

Happy Turkey Leg One & All, And To All A Good Night!

2004-11-18T17:01:00.000-08:00

"Why do they always pick on my hat?"
- Chuck Norris, Forced Vengance 1983

When a movie has dialog like the line listed above, you know the good Rev.Speats is all over it like flies on a rib roast boy howdy!

I've had a love affair with this craptacular Chuck Norris epic since high school and having watched it again recently, my ardor for this schlockfest hasn't diminished one iota.

With that said, here are my Top Five Reasons Why Forced Vengance Is The Great Lost Martial Arts Comedy of The 1980's:

5. Two lines referencing Chuck Norris's Stetson.

4. Chuck Norris's mentor in the film is a Tai Chi practicin' old Jewish man who happens to run a casino in Hong Kong.

3. Three separate "boom" shots!! (overhead microphone visible in three different scenes. I once pointed out a "boom" shot during a very serious screening of the overrated art film "Jesus of Montreal" back in high school and was labled a heretic for doing so).

2. Chuck's almost robotic narration - You can't go wrong with a martial arts film that also features Mr.Norris's interior monolog. When Chuck's cowboy hat gets stomped on by a rival gangster and you hear him utter "My best hat!" over the action, you can't help but question the humanity of it and pee your pants at the same time.

And the # 1 reason Why Forced Vengance Is The Great Lost Martial Arts Comedy of The 1980's:

1. CHUCK GETS A TOILET THROWN AT HIM!!!

Here endeth the lesson.

2004-11-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

Well now that Governor Bush is now President we can all move on and hope that the next four years pass as quietly as Shaun Cassidy's singing career.

With that said, have you noticed VH-1 has turned into what I call Nostalgia Frankenstein*? Do people really get nostalgic for the previous week? Apparently this basic cable dust rag thinks so. Me, I get misty-eyed for the days when Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits hosted blocks of programming aimed at those who didn't want their MTV. I guess that's why the good cable lord had the good sense to create VH- I Classic for music snob curmudgeons like myself.

Anyway, this headless chicken of a so-called music channel has become so mired in its identity crisis they've created hidden camera shows featuring regular folks in their Hyundais singing off key to their friggin' Beyonce and Puddle of Mudd cds! Does America really need to be embarrassed further? Have we pimped our rides only to demean them with this mindless roadkill kareoke? My head is hung in best despair ever.

But I digress. This network's current line-up makes Behind The Music look like Inside The Actor's Studio...

Totally Obsessed (a current embarrassment on the VH-1 programming block) drives this point home. Do we really need a half-hour devoted to seemingly grown adults and their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles obsession? Is it necessary to know this person takes karate lessons and covers her pizza in mayonaise so she can be true to the Ninja Turtles' creed? C'mon people are we really laughing with these folks? Do we need this underside of pop culture obsession brought into our homes on a nightly basis? Doesn't Comicon, Bot-con, and every other con already serve this purpose?

In an age where one third of Wilson Philips can broadcast her comestic surgery on TV I guess the question is moot.

(*Apologies to the most recent edition of The Surreal Life, a show truly greater than its network...Flava Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaav!!)

2004-11-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

I implore all of you to consider this:

If any good has come out of this election is that it really got people of all ages and backgrounds to care and to participate in the democratic process.

We can't afford to be cynical any longer as we'll forfeit all the progress we made getting people mobilized...We will not roll over.

We have to continue to be vigilant and keep accountability on the front burner.

I will not roll over and I will NOT let this ruin my life. We will live each day and support one another.

Lastly, we need to get a Democratic leader that can carry the South like Clinton did, that's the key.

The hope for 2008 begins now.

2004-10-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

It was 1966 when The Who brought us their truly kick-ass 9 minute mini-opera "A Quick One While He's Away". . .

Now some 38 years later Green Day have picked up the where The Who left off by giving us a concept album (Nothing more punk in 2004 than releasing a concept album-been said before but worth repeating) that boasts TWO 9 minute mini-operas!

American Idiot's been out for a while but I just got to it last week and I have to say that it goes to show that the Worst U.S. Presidency Ever begat the Best Rock'N Roll Album of 2004 hands down!

It goes to go to show that some good comes out of everything...even an American Idiot.

Good Friday to all.

VOTE!!!

2004-10-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

Hot Damn Tamale!

May the other underdog from Massachussetts be as victorious as the Boston Red Sox come November 2nd...

Stay tuned Beatle People...and for god sakes....VOTE!!

2004-10-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

I could say the reason that I haven't posted is because it took a week to recover from the aforementioned bad theater I saw but I'd be lying...almost.

Just been one of those week's where the bloggin' stick wasn't pointing my direction, felt just plain lazy and overly tired from the Mundane to Friday of everyday life...but I'm back!

With that said, the new R.E.M. doesn't suck (I made a promise to tell y'all why last week). Why does it not suck? Well because its basically the record all the whiny fans wanted this band to make since Bill Berry's departure seven years ago. Its actually what should have followed 1992's "Automatic For The People" instead of the awkward electric "Monster" that arrived in the height of grunge in1994 and has continued to litter used record store bins across the first world ever since.

"Around The Sun" finds the veteran Athens trio in their most focused voice since 1997's "New Adventures In HiFi" (the last to include Berry and my favorite R.E.M. record to date). The lead single ("Leaving New York") is by & large their best since Bush senior was invading Iraq and has a hook that if it came out a decade ago, it would've been a number one.

So why the lack of interest? Why the critical backlash? Well contrary to the worlds of Robert Hilburn and David Fricke (two music critics who haven't bought a record as long as I've been alive and deserve a teaching post a Pomona Junior College and never to be heard from again), this band hasn't lost their focus nor their game. Their audience for better or worse has grown up and doesn't care to hear anything new from them, no matter how hard R.E.M. tries to make familiar sounding records their fans might be comfortable with. They wanted another "Automatic For The People" and for better or worse, the band has delivered a pretty fair forgery of that record.

And chart success? Well the last time R.E.M. made a record that "mattered" chart-wise, Britney was still a Mouseketeer and 50 Cent was bad grammar for a half-dollar. The type of patience it takes to appreciate a contemplative record such as "Around The Sun" no longer exists. No one (especially critics) "takes in" albums anymore. Things are far more accellorated in this "Best Week Ever" pop culture landscape and if "Automatic For The People" had been released now, chances are it would've met with the same fate as "Around The Sun".

Bob Dylan said recently in his autobiography that his original audience had grown tired and inflexible, the same could be said about this band's. . .

2004-10-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

Regarding the play my wife and I suffered through last night, I offer these words of advice: Friends don't let friends see independent theater in Los Angeles (which by the way has more playhouses than NYC-you'd think we'd be able to produce at least one non-vomit-inducing independent theater-going experience, just one for God's sake!).

And here's why:

IT SUCKS BALLS!!!!!!!!!!

Any playwright who concocts a three hour future-politico-love-triangle-turd-of-a-show in bad Orwellian-Shakespeare-Speak clearly holds nothing but contempt for his audience, wishing only to make them as miserable as he is. On this level, the show succeeds entirely.

I'd rather eat a rusty thumbtack souffle in an acid bath while Celine Dion sings the Diane Warren songbook than have to sit through another pretentious L.A. play.

The late William Shakespeare and decent playwrights everywhere have my condolonces.

Up next: Why the new REM doesn't suck...stay tuned Beatle People.

2004-10-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

Farewell Christopher Reeve...

And thank you for making a generation of kids everywhere believe a man can fly.

2004-10-05T16:43:00.000-07:00

Well Murry Wilson didn't exact his revenge as I'd feared.

Saturday I got my SMiLE on and it is by far the best and most lovingly produced album I've heard all year. Imagine the feeling you had listening to Sgt.Pepper, Dark Side of the Moon, OK Computer, or Come On Pilgrim for the first time, multiply it a million-fold, and you get an approximation of what its like to experience this record.

I could go on about this record and what it means to have it finally, but I defer to The Fryegod and his observations as I really couldn't have said it any better:

http://friedproductions.blogspot.com/

2004-10-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

Rocktober's Upon Us!

So it is with that I say in the battle of Presidential debates, Kerry Vs. Bush was like Billy Yule Vs. Mo Tucker: No Contest.

Billy who? Mo what? Is he out of his bloggin' mind you're probally asking yourself...

Well I did just compare Kerry's performance to that of replacement Velvet Underground-drummer Billy Yule, who basically drums circles around Mo Tucker (evident especially on the Loaded & Live At Max's Kansas City albums). A pretty obscure reference/comparison I'll give you that, but who would you rather have drumming for your band? (And by band I mean America and by drummer I mean the President.)

The answer is plain and simple as the grilled cheese you had for lunch, you want a Billy Yule.

In other nonsense:

I firmly believe the ghost of Murry Wilson is out to deny me the newly released SMiLE.

I went to two different stores to get my Brian Wilson on this past New-Release-Tuesday evening and was flatly denied by both. SOLD OUT. Both @ Aron's and at the local Best Buy. Denied like Wayne & Garth tryin' to play Stairway To Heaven at Guitar Center. Refused like a refugee at the border...Murry I know this is the work of your bespeckled jealous menace.

I'm sure you'll probally try to secretly re-stock the SMiLE section of my local stores with your crappy muzak solo record and The Sunrays* Boxed Set but I will not give up. I will have my comeuppance! I will have the last laugh. I will have SMiLE before the weekend's through...

I'm a genius too, Murry!!

(*For those who care, The Sunrays were Murry Wilson's attempt to make a new Beach Boys after the real Beach Boys tossed his ass out like the greedy mean-eyed asshole he was...they had one hit (We All Live For The Sun) and gave Murry the old heave-ho...)*

2004-09-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

This week George W.Bush is giving his one and only television interview on Fox News...because he wants to position himself as the fair and balanced candidate. . .

Meanwhile, Ann Coulter was spotted sticking needles into her Kitty Kelley voodoo doll outside the Northridge Outback Steakhouse while waiting for her table last Saturday night.

But I digress...

The best possible pop culture news of the past few days has to be:

The ultrasuperbadass reinvention of Pulp's "Common People" from William Shatner's new album getting major airplay! (visions of a jealous Leonard Nimoy screaming "Get me Rick Rubin on the line!" abound..)
My wife digging the new Shatner CD as much as I do.
John Waters new film A Dirty Shame...(Best Use of David Hasselhoff since Knight Rider!)
The new Star Wars DVD box (just for having a trailer titled "Forbidden Love"...figure that one out yourself).
And the lastly and perhaps most wonderful, The release of Brian Wilson's belated masterpiece SMiLE tomorrow!

Good Vibrations indeed.

2004-09-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

Actual Flyer Spotted On Actual Street Corner In The Actual Beverly Hills:

"I (Heart) Paris Hilton"

"Marry Me?"

The flyer then goes on to list a name and an address in Downtown Los Angeles.

Could this be the work of a Stalker Street Team? Or just a guy wishing to make an independent film....

Stay tuned.

2004-09-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

Musically speaking, 2004 is at long last showing some signs of life...

Need proof? Well, just released albums by The Thrills, Madeline Peyroux (the best voice in contemporary jazz), and forthcoming ones from Brian Wilson (SMILE!!), REM, William Shatner tell me that the world has yet again been saved from the Jessica Simpsons and Hoobastanks of the world. . .But then again, can anyone be really saved from a band called Hoobastank? I'm serious. Last time I checked Hoobastank was a euphemism for the unwanted byproducts of tainted Mexican food. But I digress...

William Shatner's first full length album since LBJ was in office (1968's The Transformed Man) is a surprisingly brave and poignant work. Cleverly titled "Has Been" (out on Shout Factory 10/5) and deftly produced by '90s geek-pop-genius Ben Folds, this is as disarming as new pop records get.

What we all expect when we hear Shatner on record is the stuff of Rhino's Golden Throats series but with Has Been we're taken to an all together different place. A place where lyrics are contributed by Nick Hornby and vocal support provided by Joe Jackson, Aimee Mann, and Henry Rollins.

The scope ranges from an emotionally-charged cover of Pulp's Common People (delivered with an almost angry Dylan-esque sneer), to reflective, often humorous meditations on insecurity and mortality ("It Hasn't Happened Yet"; "You'll Have Time"), and rants against the absurdity of modern life ("I Can't Get Behind That").

This is a record that captures a man fully aware of where he's been and the road ahead.

To say this is the spoken word equivalent of Johnny Cash's American Recordings by an artist of equal pop cultural importance would not be an unfair comparison.

May William Shatner continue to live long and prosper...

2004-09-14T14:23:00.000-07:00

Going up for air. . .

Being pursued by a gentleman named Ricker (Ricker??) to join the local 24-Hour Fitness.
Mario Machado just gave me a set of Sennheiser headphones as a belated wedding gift.
And William Shatner is releasing a new CD.

More to follow soon...

2004-09-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

The Brown Bunny is to films what Hoobastank is to band names.

Need I say more?

The film that gave Roger Ebert bad gas is by far the most recent film Vincent Gallo has released.

2004-09-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

Monday Morning I embraced my inner Jim Garrison (AKA DJ Kevin Costner) and toured the Sixth Floor Museum at the Texas Book Depository in downtown Dallas, TX.

I stood on the Grassy Knoll, got my picture taken, and waited for a magic bullet to tell my fortune.

Down the road from the book depository is The Conspiracy Museum, where the truth lives for only $10 admission. Basically looking like a junior college dorm room shrine to the works of Oliver Stone, this is the place where you watch a 16 year-old VHS tape of the Zapruder film (shown from multiple angles for Maximum Costnerization) while a George Plimpton-type points out the glaring omissions and fallacies of The Warren Commision.

Its also where you can purchase a JFK movie poster for $100.

Before you start snickering and call me Michael Moore, consider this: Did you know there was a conspiracy film about the Kennedy asassination before JFK called Executive Action starring Burt Lancaster???

What's the matter?? Can't handle the truth?? I'm waiting Oliver....

2004-09-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

Back In The Saddle Kids!

When work is not eating my brain like flys on a ribroast I shall post like the wind blowing out of Rumsfeld's mouth...

2004-09-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

So now we know where the Bush twins get their sense of comic timing from...watching these Simple Life simpletons mistake the RNC for the VMAs (for which they were given a most warm reception) makes me glad I got my higher education via the California Community College system...because Yale these days seems to really have taken on more short bus students than they can handle.

ANYWAY.

Before Day 2 of the RNC's Ahnuldpalooza, I discovered that hipster band Death Cab For Cutie takes their name from the most obscure of Beatles references. Maybe I'm the last one to make this connection but I feel somewhat accomplished that this information wasn't gleaned from the pages of MOJO, Q, or Under The Radar.

So that aforementioned Beatles reference? Its the name of the tune the lounge singer croons during the striptease sequence in Magical Mystery Tour. *(It's important to note that not only do I own a copy of this film, I watched it willingly all the way through as well, the geek-Beatle-love runs deep).

Its discoveries like these that help me sleep better at night.

So good day Beatle People, I'm off to the Lone Star State for a wedding featuring my lovely wife in the role of bridesmaid and me as the happy-go-lucky-hubby.

See you next week sports fans!

2004-08-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

Thunderclap Newman's "Something In The Air" is a profound work of British Rock Genius.

Basically a Pete Townshend demo overdubbed by the aforementioned Thunderclap released in 1969, its the tune that's holding the Reverend's sanity at this point during this particular afternoon.

If there ever were a series of CDs that could double as my perfect time machine it would Rhino's 9 volume History of British Rock series. Without these Merseysides and Psychedelic Swingers, not only would Wes Anderson's films be lesser affairs, but the world (especially mine) would lack color of all shades.

Speaking of color, The Three Stooges have been selected as Colorization's latest guinea pigs. Knowing full well that anything filmed in black & white is about as appealing to the young'uns today as brocolli and reading, Columbia has taken it upon themselves to revisit one of the most reviled acts of cinematic heresy to make Larry, Moe, & Curly hip to the Radio Disney set.

The result? While impressive and a marked improvement over Ted Turner's cruel and unusual colorizing of Casablanca back in the 1980's, it still ain't what the good lord intended. Yes the attention to detail here is beyond admirable and its nice to know what shade of brown Larry's hair was but sweeping Technicolor vistas weren't certainly not (or should I say "soitenly") the intention of these classic shorts then and nor are they now.

While the Stooges may live today in living color, I still dream of them in Glorious Black & White.

In closing, I couldn't imagine a group of suits more deserving of a Moe Howard eye poke (and pie throw) than those fine folks at Columbia Tri-Star.

Well maybe the entire Republican party...

2004-08-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

Mid-afternoon on a Thursday...

Keeping my sanity at the moment is The Hollies' mid-'60s triumph Carrie-Anne.

Hopefully the good vibes from this British Invasion moment will cause Kerry to regain his lead in the poles...I read this morning that Bush is now ahead.

I'll say that again for added-exasperated-effect: I read this morning that Bush is now ahead.

How is this possible? Has Tim McGraw physically threatened y'all into turning tail? Is it because I'm a Jew? Have we latte'd ourselves into submission?

It's time Yosimite Sam went back to Texas.

2004-08-25T14:41:00.000-07:00

To The Demon on his 55th birthday:

"God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Gave rock and roll to everyone
God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you
Put it in the soul of everyone..."

Happy Birthday Gene Simmons!

May you breathe fire and spit cash for a 100 years and the last thing you hear be the sound of electric guitars...

2004-08-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

Could there be a better album to rock out to while you do the dishes than Ace Frehley's 1978 solo album?

I don't think so. Not only does this badass rock 'n roll classic hold up better than most KISS albums, it also makes scrubbin' the most stubborn mashed potato'd pot tolerable.

From the kickstart of "Rip It Out" to the drones of "Ozone", this one practically rawks the dishes to cleanliness.

God bless your drunken soul Mr.Frehley, you're more essential to a sinkload of dirty dishes than Palmolive and steel wool.

Briefly turning to other things KISS, yours truly can be seen cameo-style in the new Gene Simmons documentary DVD release, Speaking In Tongues.

Rock out!

2004-08-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

From one Reverend to another...

Two days ago I shook hands with former Democratic presidential candidate and recent SNL host, The Rev. Al Sharpton.

He was cordial and couldn't be more Al Sharpton if he tried.

I complimented him on his speech at the Democratic National Convention though I wanted to tell him that I thought it was "Superfly DNC" but protocol got the best of me.

Now if only Rev.Al would go after them slanderous fool's on Gilligan's Swiftboat giving our man Kerry a bad name...

Good night America and have a pleasant tomorrow.

2004-08-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

To Jerry & Elmer:

When my fanatical record obsession began (around 1978), movie scores were my first love. Hearing the soundtracks to Star Wars, Superman, & Star Trek were the best way in those pre-VCR days (my family didn't break down and get one til '85) to relive those films over and over again...They provided the ideal backdrop for action figure playtime and the soundtrack to our homemade animated Super 8 adventures we made as kids.

So it is with that I bid farewell to two giants of the film score, Jerry Goldsmith & Elmer Bernstein. Your imagination(s) enhanced the movie experience beyond special effects, THX, and probally popcorn too.

Yours were the music that made good films great and great films classics.

Among Elmer Bernstein's scores are The Man With The Golden Arm, Ghostbusters, Animal House, and most recently Far From Heaven.

Jerry Goldsmith's scores include Alien, Star Trek, Poltergeist, & Total Recall.

2004-08-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

Ever find yourself in one of those moments where the day job has melted your brain into such queso that you can't think of a goddang thing to blog about?

That's where I am today folks.

So in leiu of something whimsical, please join me in wishing rock legends Dave Davies & Charlie Watts rock-steady recoveries and a quick return to the business of making Classic Rock rawk.

Me? I hope I recover from this malaise of blogger's bloc before breakfast.

Praise the lord and pass the winning lotto tickets.

2004-08-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Trader Joe or Traitor Joe?

Trader Joe, you are slowly being let back in. My lunchtime curried chicken salad did not combust...

As it did not require microwaving, this is a trial reconcilliation.

2004-08-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Dearest Trader Joe,

You've broken my heart. Why do you taunt me with inaccurate heating instructions on your burritoed wares? Is it because I've taken advantage of the free snack table one too many times? Is it because I'm a Jew?

Why do you mock me so? Do you laugh every time you hear another burrito explode in a microwave oven? Do your angels grow wings every time a chicken burrito combusts?

Do you enjoy punking your unwitting customers with inaccurate heating instructions? Were you a loner in high school? I thought we were friends. When you introduced me to $2 Charles Shaw I thought you were letting me in...Friends don't let friends go without lunch. You of all people should know that.

Oh Joe, How do you sleep at night?? Do you really want me to make that run to the border? I thought I knew you better than that.

With a heavy heart and an empty stomach,
Rev.Speats

2004-08-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

For Those Who Are About To Heat Up A Trader Joes Bean & Cheese Burrito:

A word of caution. Only heat up for two minutes as opposed to the reccomended three to four. If you ignore this warning your burrito will explode like the Hindenburg, leaving the office microwave resembling a Chevron restroom commode, and your lunch hour needs completely unrequited.

This has been a Rev.Speats Public Service Announcement. Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.

2004-08-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

Wicked Lester rules.

Who are Wicked Lester? Not the evil-parallel-universe-counterpart to Willie Tyler's puppet o' color as many of you might suspect but the band that would eventually become KISS.

Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley formed this bubblegum take on the Doobie Brothers in 1971 and quickly landed a contract with Epic Records.

The resulting album never was released (due to the formation of KISS and subsequent disbanding of Wicked Lester) but has made the rounds through the years as a bootleg.

While it may not make you want to rock and roll all night, it certainly will make you wanna party every day.

2004-08-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

Local Rock N' Roll legends The Letter Openers hit Mr.T's Bowl tonight in Highland Park.

For all the non-locals out there, check out http://www.letteropeners.net and prepare your collective asses to get RAWKED.

You know what pop band never seems to get their due beyond snobby music rags? The Apples In Stereo. Relistening to their 2000 release The Discovery of A World Inside The Moon is proof positive that when retro-bubblegum-rock is done right it can be downright blissful. True ear candy for the discerning pop snob.

Friday I'm In Rawk.

2004-08-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

To Rick James With Love...1948-2004

From Superfreak to the Mary Jane Girls you'll aways be the kind you don't bring home to mother.

2004-08-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

From the What-The-Hell-Are-They-Teaching-Kids-In-College-These-Days? Dept.:

Our intern here today asked me today if China was a country. I'll repeat that for spit-take effect: Our intern here today asked me today if China was a country.

Could be the human race is run as Roger Waters once said.

In other, better news...

There is a new team taking their rightful place alongside Cheech & Chong, Bob & Doug McKenzie, Chainsaw & Dave, Slater & Wooderson, Bill & Ted, Artoo & Threepio, Laurel & Hardy, Hope & Crosby, Martin & Lewis, Beavis & Butthead and Abbott & Costello: They are Harold & Kumar. Join their quest and I guarantee your ass will be laughed off.